| Location | Colchester |
| Age | 25 years |
| Cause of Death | Suicide |
| Date of Birth | 3/1982 |
| Date of Death | 16/02/2008 |
| Visitors | 2,552 since 23/04/2008 |
| Creator |
The first time I met my half brother I was 16, we met in the old king cole pub, see stu lived with his mum and I lived with mine. I was so nervous, sweating and shaking thinking he wouldnt like me or I wouldnt be what he was expecting..... I walked in and he was sitting in the far corner with his mum Carol, I smiled and slowly walked over he stood up and through his arms around me, he held me so tight I didnt think he'd ever let go.
I was with my mum too and the four of us sat chatting for ages!!
I haddent seen Stu since I was 18 months old so we had alot to catch up on!!
After afew drinks Carol and Stu invited me back to their home for dinner. The whole time I was there I just kept stairing at Stu wondering why the hell I hadden't got to know him sooner... I had tried I sent him birthday
and christmas cards, but then stu spent afew months in prison and he started writting letters to my mum then one day I asked my mum if I could write to him she said yes and I did, he didnt write back but in his next letter to my mum he said he'd come and see me as soon as he got out.
As promissed he did but I was at work so I missed him I was gutted!!.....Any way after dinner at his mums we promissed to stay in touch, now i'd met my funny, amazing lovely big brother I wasnt about to let him go!!!
We called each other all the time and he came round on my days off we would sit for hours smoking and chatting away Stuart found every thing a laugh and a joke he told me afew stories about his past what he got up to with his mates, he always spoke about his close friend Magoo I've never met him but I know stuart thought alot of him.
Stu also got to know Justin and Craig (our other brothers) really well, he started to meet Craig in the pub most days for a drink.
Craig said Stu would always go straight to the jukebox and put on either Eminem or 50 cent, Stu was rap mad he was always rapping away he was really good at it!!
Any way for a couple of years things were great we'd all see each other regularly and Stu came to all our family partys and he stayed over afew times..... Untill one day it just stopped, I didnt really think much of it at first I just thought that maybe he needed a break from us all..... then a couple of months later I saw Carol and after a while she explained to me that Stuart had been diagnosed with schizophrenia, she said that he'd taken the news bad and didnt want to see or speak to any one, still I gave her my new home number and told her to tell Stu to call if he needed me....he did and we arranged for me to go and see him 2 weeks later.
The day of my visit came and Stuart wasnt in, Carol said he'd wanted to go out with his mates insted which was a good thing as he haddent been out in a while....so I stopped worring I just thought that if he had started going out with his mates again then every thing must fine.......... but about 2 weeks or so before stuart died my mum rang me and told me things wern't right, Carol had taken some time off work to spend with stu I didnt know what to do... I didnt want to ring incase he didnt want to talk to anyone so I started writting a text message to him insted.... but nothing I wrote seemed right, so I thought I'd just leave him alone for afews weeks, let himself get back on track then i'd call him or go round.............but I didnt get the chance, 2 weeks later my big brother was gone.......... another brother taken his own life..... my heart ripped apart!! how could two of my brothers die the same way??!! why??!!!
I was 6 months pregnant at the time and every one begged me to stay strong for the babies sake but it is so so hard I miss him so much!!
when I first found out I was pregnant I called Stuart and he was so excited!! I even texted him a picture of my first scan he was well chuffed.... my baby is due in 10 weeks and he'll never see it, hold it or play with it and it breaks my heart but I swear my baby will know every thing about its uncle Stu because he was just too amazing to forget!!
Since Stuart died I have been told that his schizophrenia had got alot worse in some countries they call it the devil syndrome and I know in my heart of hearts that if stuart had of been well he'd of never left his family,
Especially his mum Carol I know he thought the world of her they were so close. He loved every single one of us just as much as we love him.
Rest in peace now darling......you better have one of your cuddles waiting for me!!! I love you xx xx xx xx
Stuart was found dead on the 16/02/2008 he had taken his own life, just like our brother Russell 12 years earlier.
hello darling...
just thought i'd send you an update... well the dog has gone (lol) i couldn't haddle him chewing anymore! he chewed everything except me russ and the kids! but sister rachel had him and he really seems to of clamed down for her!... summer is doing amazing! pre-school is doing wonders for her.. she knows all the words to ba ba black sheep now! soo cute!.. mind you she knows afew other choice words to!! (i honestly don't know where she gets it from! lol) olly is great too.. he took his 1st steps the other day.. i must admitt i did have a little tear!! i can't believe he'll be 1 in 7 weeks! scary stuff!... and the wedding is in 6 weeks! god thats come round so quick.. i remember booking it a year ago and thinking i had ages!... i know you'll be there with me tho... gonna be a hard hard day without you.. i wrote my speach the other day.. keep reading it over and over and getting to your name.. and falling apart!.. so i've taken that bit out and just made a toast to absent loved ones.. but i know you'll know its meant for you and rusty!... talking of rusty i put his picture up on my window seal and every time summer see's it she says "its uncle rusty mum!!" lol.. will make sure i get yours up soon too! i always tell her that your in heaven together and its hot and sunny and you eat lots of icecreams together there... i use to tell her that you were on a long holiday (wow if only that were true).. if anyone passed away they'd gone "on holiday" but i got abit worried that she might think that whenever people went on holiday they never come back.. so i thought it'd be better to be alittle bit more honest with her.. her little friend seems to of gone.. haven't heard her talking to him in awhile?? not sure if its a good thing or not really?!?.. anyway thats all the news hear.. i hope you and rusty are on a hot sunny beach somewhere sipping an ice cold beer... thinking of you every single day!! love you babe xXxXxXxXxXx
hello sweet heart...
just thought i'd send you a message to let you know i'm missing you so much.. summer is being such a handfull as always!! getting into all kinds of trouble!! we have a new puppy now... wow thats fun! NOT! lol its like having an extra toddler to look after! he's always chewing something or other!... ollys doing well he's nearly 7 months now!! crawling around getting into mischief! well and trully got my handsfull!! .... i know mum brought the children up to see you afew weeks ago.. i'm so sorry i havent been up.. i still feel i'm just not ready yet... the guilt eats away at me every day but i just can't bear to see your name on that head stone.. its not right.. you should be hear with us... i think about you every single day... your the first person that comes into my head in the morning and the last at night... summer has developed a little "friend" he's called jason... i haven't a clue who he is but i think he maybe about the same age as her and "has hair like mummys"... he seems friendly enough so i'm not worried.. anyway my darling i better go, i love you sooo much take care x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
2 years...
well my hunny .... it was 2 years ago tomorrow that you decided to leave this world.. still feels like only yesterday my heart was shattered into a million and one pieces... i asked my grandma the other day when the pain goes away... but she told me... it never does.. it may fade but it'll never ever go completely... i just keep going over and over and over the same things in my head... what if i'd done this diffrently... or that diffrently... what if i'd of had my children sooner and you'd stay'd to meet them... maybe things would of been diffrent... its all so confusing..... i know michelle is coming up to see you tomorrow... she did ask me if i wanted to come to.. but i really can't face it... please understand... i love you so much but i can not bear to stand and look at your headstone... its just too real for me... i think about you every second of every day and i talk to the children about you all the time!! you'll never ever ever be forgotton!!
i love and miss you more and more and more every single day babe!! not a day goes by where i don't think about you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx p.s have texted your mum to check shes ok... told her i'm right hear if she needs me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hello bruv,
i'm sooooooooo sorry i haven't been on hear its just i lost my password for gts!!! was going to ask toni to leave you a message for me but really wanted to tell you myself that.... OLLY STUART has arrived!!!! i know i told you we were gonna call him harry but changed our minds as harry was sooo popular!! hope you and rusty are ok!! will bring summer and olly up to see you both when the weather is better!! love you both millions and thinking of you both every single day!! have already told olly all about you!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx miss you darling xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
miss u babe x
Hi darlin just to let YOu no yovr never forgotten. Lovein YOu always love toni x kids x i come visit u other day i love yovr head stood its done YOu proud love always tone x x
hey you!!
just thought I'd leave you a message to let you know I'm thinking of you constantly!!!... your niece is being a little pain in the bottom at the moment!! keeps turning the telly off and running away!!... oh god i wish you could of stayed to meet her stu... she's so much like you!! always getting into trouble for something!! lol... hopefully she'll start behaving by the time harry gets hear or i really will have my hands full!!... you know where i am if you need me ;).. love you millions darling x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
well...... ITS A BOY!!!!! congratulations bruv your gonna have a little nephew!!... we have decided to call him Harry Stuart.... after you of course!! can't wait to bring him up to see you when he arrives!!!.... was texting every one in my phone today to let them know... and i came across your number "stu bruv"... it really broke my heart... because i know if you were hear I'd of been ringing you screaming down the phone with excitement that I'm having a son!!... instead I'm on hear writing to you... but i know i can't turn back the clock... believe me I've tried!!... hope you and rusty are well... love you millions hunny x x x x x x x x x
another niece or nephew!!!!
hey bruv!!
sorry its been a while... I've had afew things going on in my head but i had a good chat with your mum on Friday and i feel alot better.... anyway mr just wanted to let you know that your gonna be an uncle AGAIN!!! we find out on the 26th weather its a boy or another little princess so as soon as i get home I'll come on hear and let you know.. love you millions darling x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
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